Trust in the Lord with all your heart,and do not lean on your own understanding
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
As I head out to my internship(Salama) the other day, I am riding in the passenger seat of a big 15 passenger van. It's just me and Vincent-my driver, for about an hour. We are speeding down the left side of the road past boda bodas, random people, and every pot hole known to man. I know he is experienced with these roads, but I can't help but to hold my breath for most the trip. We drive faster than maybe I would have and crazier than I would normally feel comfortable with. I quickly began to realize that event though Vincent has been driving these same roads for years and knows every nook and cranny, that I would still somehow feel better if I was driving. If I was speeding and hit someone, at least it would be my fault. If I hit a pot hole and damaged a tire, at least it would be my fault. I wouldn't have to sit and point the finger of blame at him and allow him to account for my actions. I would feel more in control if I were behind that steering wheel.
The more I thought about this, the more I found my relationship with God feeling the same way. I want to be in control always because I feel better when I know what is going on and what may happen next. I want to be behind the steering wheel because it makes me feel safer. He knows the 'roads' of my life better, but for some reason I want to find them on my own. I want to take responsiblity for whatever I do wrong and not have to blame God. I think I find it easier to blame myself rather than others. It's so hard for me to give total control to God without feeling like I need to hold my breath in case I crash. I found this verse in Proverbs so helpful, just knowing that God knows my path better than anyone, including myself, so why not let him sit in the driver's seat?
